I Choose To Feel It All

My friend apologized the other day for not stopping by my event that morning.

“I meant to come,” she said, “But I woke up grumpy. I know that’s not an excuse because I don’t even know why.”

“Do you need a reason?” I asked. “You woke up grumpy and you skipped something you weren’t obligated to attend anyway. It happens. No worries.”

“Thank you!” she said, and we proceeded to have a lovely chat despite her “grumpiness.”

I have friends who are going through a heavy time right now. They often stop themselves mid-sentence by saying, “That’s enough of that. I feel like I complain too much lately.”

“What’s wrong with that?” I ask. “You’re allowed to have a bad year.”

And I have friends who’ve been through hard times, but things are going well now. They sometimes stop themselves mid-sentence because they don’t want to tempt fate, or sound like they’re boasting, or feel like they’re “rubbing it in.”

“Sounds like things are going well right now,” I say. “You know, it’s okay to have a good year.”

Today, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. I’m in the middle of three exciting projects, and I can’t seem to juggle the balls fast enough. They’re all good things, and they’re all of my own making, so I’m quick to blame myself for letting things get crazy again. I think of where I was a year ago while on sabbatical and chide myself for jumping too quickly back into a heavy workload.

But it’s okay to be too busy sometimes, and not busy enough other times. It’s okay for me to feel overwhelmed at this moment, just as it was okay last year for me to feel a little guilty about not doing more. Life is hard enough without beating ourselves up for feeling the way we do.

I’ve always hated those signs that say, “Have a good day, or don’t. It’s your choice.” Because I’ve had good days that turn bad, and bad days that turn good, and days when I’m not even sure how I feel, like my friend. And I choose to allow those feelings whether they last for a day or a year.

This morning I felt excited about all that’s on my plate, then nauseous, then proud, then overwhelmed. That was my day. How was yours?

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